There’s been a lot of controversy about Myka Stauffer and her husband’s decision to “re-home” their adopted autistic child. Today in the Washington Post Katherine Sanford did a version of the traditional “walk a mile in their shoes“ argument in their defense. To her credit, Sanford mostly blamed the lack of social supports for parents of special needs kids, although she also managed to get in a few whines about how hard it is to deal with a non-verbal 13-year-old in diapers.
Well, guess what? I’ve already walked the mile. Been there. Done that. Wiped the feces off the wall. Bandaged the bites and kicks. And I say it’s time for parents who either gave birth to or adopted a special needs kid to stop thinking about how hard it is for them and start thinking about how hard it is for their kid.
These kids have minds—even if their thoughts are concealed by their lack of speech. They have hearts—even if you can’t recognize their feelings. They hear what you say to them and to others, and react to it—even if you don’t understand their reactions.
Stauffer’s son has already been rejected by one set of parents in China. And now he’s been rejected by another set in the U.S. So what do his mind and heart tell him about this? That he’s worthless. That he’s so bad that adults just can’t stand to keep him around. It’s not ok to do that to a kid. Any kid. Autistic or not.